What I Miss

I miss how she got on her knees and put her hands on my cheeks, and told me "no" when I told her it was time to go nite nite. Then she would start kissing me to make me forget it was time to sleep.

I miss being able to rock her, put her down, and know she would sleep a long time, maybe waking up for a few minutes to make she I was still there.

I miss her little voice, and being able to communicate well with her.

I miss her constant smiles and laughter--it's much harder to get her to smile these days.

I miss how she would always wake up singing a song, or sometimes calling the Hogs!

I miss her getting into everything I left in her reach.

I miss her "I'm so cute" smile.

I miss watching her play, making her animals walk and make noise.

I miss watching her hold and feed and kiss her babies, and call them all Baby Jesus.

I miss hearing her say "eeta, eeta" and make kissing sounds for the puppy to come.

It's so strange. She's still here, but she's not. I'm so thankful I can still hold her and rock her and see her smile and hear her laugh. I'm thankful she still knows me and everyone else who loves her. I'm thankful we are figuring out how to communicate with her limited abilities. I'm thankful she sleeps 4 hour stretches at night. But I'm losing my girl, and with the progression of this disease being so unpredictable, I never know from day to day what she will lose or if she will stay stable for a while.

My sweet, sweet girl. I have no idea what I will do without her.