Hard

This has been a hard week. It started off with being completely exhausted after staying up late both Friday and Saturday night when several tornadoes came within a few miles of my house. This happens way too often, and I did talk to someone this week about building me a tornado shelter. But it was a hard start to my week.
This Friday was also Senior Skip Day, and every milestone for seniors makes me miss sweet Chris. He is so much better off right now than we are, but we miss him soooooo much!
As far as my court case, I heard nothing this week. Still not rescheduled. No idea when it might be heard again. Very hard after such a disappointment last week. So I wait and pray. And it's so hard.

But I was taken care of last week during the storms. Some friends of mine lost EVERYTHING in the floods in Nashville. I still have my cute little house with my huge yard and flowers and tomatoes and cucumbers. And a pretty pink room full of clothes just waiting for baby girl.
And I still have lots of sweet kids to love at school! Who are here and need me now.
And baby girl is doing much better than I could have imagined. And my agency has gone above and beyond to make sure I have the most accurate information possible about her health. And to make sure she's getting healthy. So even though I want her home right now, I know she is okay.

It still doesn't mean it's easy. There are still days when the only prayer I can say is, "Please, God!" But I know He hears anyway, and knows my heart. I know there are so many people praying for me and my sweet girl, even when I don't feel like it. But I do want her home right now. And even though I know things happen in God's time, even though people are encouraging me and praying for me, it is still so very hard.

One of my current favorite songs is sung by Amy Grant. I can't say that I love her, but I heard this song on the way to the wake for Chris, and it seems so fitting for how I feel right now. Thankful I don't have to say anything. Thankful He knows my heart, even when I can't share with Him what's on it.

Here are the lyrics:

God loves a lullaby in a mother’s tears in the dead of night
Better than a Hallelujah sometimes
God loves a drunkard’s cry, the soldier’s plea not to let him die
Better than a Hallelujah sometimes

We pour out our miseries, God just hears a melody •
Beautiful the mess we are, the honest cries, of breaking hearts

A woman holding on for life, a dying man giving up the fight
Are better than a Hallelujah sometimes
Tears of shame for what’s been done
The silence when the words won’t come
Are better than a Hallelujah sometimes

We pour out our miseries, God just hears a melody
Beautiful the mess we are, the honest cries, of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah

Better than a church bell ringing
Better than a choir singing out, singing out

We pour out our miseries, God just hears a melody
Beautiful the mess we are, the honest cries, of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah


I wish I had her with me tomorrow for Mother's Day, I hope it won't be too much longer before I hold her. But with no new court date, it seems like it will be forever before I will see her. Until then, I'll fix her room, learn to make hair bows, to make injera and other Ethiopian foods, hang out with my nieces and nephews, finish school, sleep, run, and anything else to help me stay busy. And know she's in the best hands of all, God's hands. And I am, too.